


Love Is Fine With Me

by GiveMeFalseHope



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, M/M, vantascest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-06
Updated: 2013-08-06
Packaged: 2017-12-22 15:57:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/915156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GiveMeFalseHope/pseuds/GiveMeFalseHope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat and Kankri have a rocky relationship and Karkat considers breaking up with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey hey. Just an intro.

Your name is KARKAT FUCK OFF BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO TELL YOU MY LAST NAME, and you are currently in your stepmothers WARM EMBRACE in your TWO STORY HOUSE. Your house has been very neat and tidy since your stepmother got here about 3 years ago. Your real mom… Well you don’t want to talk about it right now. Long story short, your stepmother (who insists on you just calling her mom instead of Ms. Paint, like you used to) is hugging you tight and trying to calm you down. You are coming down from one of your…  
Moments, as you like to refer to them.  
A panic attack that really comes out of seemingly nowhere. But it’s always something, something gives you anxiety. Even if it is little and you don’t understand why you freaked out over it.  
You’re clinging to the back of her shirt for dear life and sobbing into her shoulder. She has you in her arms and is petting your hair softly. She hums into your ear, and god is it comforting but she hates you doesn’t she? She hates the 17 year old you who is still having panic attacks and crying like a child in her arms, doesn’t she? She just doesn’t tell you, right? You’re worthless and childish and stupid and you have to take stupid medication because of it.  
“You hate, r-right, bec-cause I’m dumb,” you say into her shoulder. She’s silent for a moment then pulls away.  
You knew it.  
She looks concerned, “No, I don’t hate you, I would never hate you,” her lips are pressed to your forehead and she wipes tears that are still falling from your cheeks. “Wait right here, okay Karkat?” nod nod nod. She leaves with the knife you had in your hand and you are left sitting on the floor in sweatpants and no shirt. You only cut yourself a couple of times before she found you doing so.  
God, it’s cold in here.  
“Mother” comes back in a few minutes with pills and tea. God, pills. You hate these things, but you take them anyway and wash them out with tea. A blanket is placed around your shoulders when you both hear the door open and close. Your mother pats your back, “I’ll go get your dad,” she says.  
Your dad is… something else. He’s a little rough around the edges, yes. He seems mean but he spoils you rotten. Heavy footsteps are heard coming up the stairs, then your bedroom door opens. You huddle closer in your blanket, the tea cup being mostly empty, but you need something to distract you. You stare down at the cup in your hands, It’s lost most of it’s heat, now it’s the temperature of your hands.  
Your father is kneeling in front of you, you can’t make eye contact with him. His hand rests on your shoulder, “Karkat,” his voice is rough and deep, but still soft. His voice draws you to look at him slowly, “Let me see,” he says. You sit for a second, but take off your blanket and he gets a better look. The cuts are on your chest, they aren’t bleeding anymore, “Please don’t be mad,” you say. He looks at you, “I’m not mad,” he says, “but I thought we had an agreement, if I’m not home you go to ‘Mom’ right?” Nod nod.  
Ten minutes later you’re in bed with your mom sitting on the edge of the bed singing softly to you. You feel pathetic and childish. 17 years old and this is still going on. 17 years old in 11th grade, half way through the year and you still have to have your mom sing you to sleep sometimes.  
You hope tomorrow will be better.  
~  
Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday go by without much of anything happening.  
Part way there. You can do it.  
Your first couple of class periods go by without much of anything, sure a couple of looks from Eridan, the kid who bothers you a lot. Not much else.  
Lunch break is welcomed with open arms, not because you’re hungry, but because you have no classes with your best friend Gamzee. You haven’t seen him in the cafeteria with his other friends, so you duck out of there and head outside.  
God that place is crowded. Every grade eats at once and you hate it. You’re almost safely outside when there’s a shove behind you, you are face first on a locker, “Heeeeeyyyy Panic-y,” shit it’s Eridan. “Leave me alone,” you say and attempt to leave. He grabs you by the wrist and shoves you back first against a locker, his arm is against your chest right on the cuts. You cry out and try to wiggle out from beneath him.  
No luck.  
“How are you and you boooyfriend?” His smile is venom. “Gamzee isn’t my boyfriend! GODAMMIT GET OFF OF ME,” You bring your knee up and he is off of you in a split second. Vriska is suddenly there, god it’s scary how cat like she can be at times, and touches Eridan’s shoulder and sneers at you, “Get lost,” she says. “That was all I wanted,” you say with a smirk and head out the door.  
You can smell the smoke as soon as you walk outside and walk towards the smell. You notice a boy on the benches as you walk by. He looks at you and you look at him. He is odd looking, but not ugly. Very attractive actually-- for a boy.  
Not that you’d date a boy or anything.  
You’re not gay.  
He has a bright red hoodie on with grey pants. You nod at him and he smiles a little. He’s all alone out here…. You wonder why. You walk on by all the same.  
You picked up the scent of smoke again and followed it behind a portable, low and behold. Gamzee Makara everyone. Crazy ass juggalo.  
Sitting next to him feels like home, even if you are sitting on woodchips. He turns to you, “Hey, Karbro. Wanna light?” you have refused his offer so many times you don’t know why he even asks anymore. You throw a woodchip at him as a response. All he does is smile and put his arm around you, and you do not object to that. You scoot closer to him and rest your head on his chest.  
You can kind of see why everyone think’s you two are a thing. To be honest, he was sort of a… Skinny love sort of thing for a while. Then he went out with a girl you had a crush on for the longest time and you both fell away from that. You were mad at him for a while, but missed him too much to keep avoiding him.  
Now you both are friends again.  
He rests his painted face on your head and you feel almost okay.  
Almost.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kankri finds Karkat panicking in the bathroom and helps him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I rly suck at writing huh

You are KANKRI VANTAS and you are currently SITTING ALONE on your lunch break. You dislike the school food here, so you eat when you get home. You are alone because no one really likes you, the only person who does like you is taking a day off of school. Her name is Porrim Maryam. She knows you’ll be okay without her there.  
No one bothers you that much, and even if they do you start to scold them for it and they walk away. You’ve had a crush on a girl named Latula for a while, but she has a boyfriend. Oh, Latula. She’s so- Oh.  
Your thoughts are interrupted by a skinny boy walking by you. He has a grey hoodie on, his face is child like. He looks a bit younger than you, but for all you know he could be in the same grade. He has a cute face. He makes you feel warm on the inside when he nods at you and you manage to smile at him. He walks away and you watch him go behind a portable where smoke has been rising from for a while now.  
Why must your church say dating men is wrong. You would so date him. And kiss him. And cuddle him. You think about that boy and Latula for a while before the bell rings. You are not looking forward to class.  
~  
Maybe if you didn’t act on your feelings for him it wouldn’t be a sin? Oh, lord. You hate yourself. Why can’t you be normal like everyone else? “-kri. Kankri!” you snap out of your daydream and face your attention to your teacher. People giggle at you, “Oh, sorry…” you say sheepishly. Your teacher gives you a stern look ,”The day’s almost over, you’ll be out there soon. For now, pay attention.” You hadn’t realized you’d been staring out the window. Things need to get sorted out here, Sunday maybe. Yes, go to the confessional on Sunday. Pray. See what The Father says.

Okay, you can not pay attention for another minute. You raise your hand and ask to use the hall pass. Luckily enough, Your teacher lets you and you hurry out of class. Now for somewhere to hide for the last 30 minutes of school. Boys bathroom works, maybe you should go across the school to the 12th grade bathroom.  
Yes, that is a good idea. The 11th grade hall smells like axe and desperation.  
When you pass the 11th grade bathroom you think you hear something… gross… But wait…  
Oh  
Oh  
Someone is crying in there? Poor kid, probably got beat up by someone. Heyyy, that’s the perfect excuse not to go back to class.  
You were just being a good Samaritan and helping out a boy in need. Or girl who got shoved in the boys bathroom. Either way.  
When you walk into the bathroom, you are expecting some bruised beat up kid.  
That is not what you get.  
~  
Karkat Slick- oh fuck it- sits in his science room- God just stop. You are bored as FUCK but there is a big test the is freaking you out. What if you fail? Ohgodohgodohgod. You didn’t even study. You didn’t bring your pills.  
Shit.  
You manage through most of the test, but there is this one question. You don’t understand it at all. Is this a trick question? The edges of panic earlier are starting to engulf you.  
You have to leave.  
You look up to tell your teacher but apparently he has left somewhere because he’s not at his desk. You stand up and hurry out of the room, leaving your test on his desk on the way out. You need to get to the office, they’ll phone your parents. But wait, what if they get mad at you? Godammit you need to wait this out somewhere.  
Oh, look. Boys bathroom. Perfect. You scoot up under one of the sinks in the very corner. You’re shaking horribly, and you didn’t even notice you were crying until now.   
“Calm down, calm down,” you keep telling yourself. It’s not working well so you do what you do every time you panic, you bring your knees to your chest . You’re not sure what to do with your hands but they’ve already found a place in your hair. You’re yanking on your hair so hard you could pull it out, a sob escapes you.  
This is not going to be easy, you think. But then a hand is on your shoulder.  
~  
That boy, That oh-so-attractive boy, is the one crying in the bathroom. He’s shaking pretty bad, maybe he just broke up with his girlfriend or something. You kneel down next to him and put a hand softly on his shoulder and wide terrified eyes meet yours, “Hey,” you say, ” it’s gonna be okay,” he shakes his head.  
What is that supposed to mean? You crouch in front of him and grab his face softly, forcing him to look at you, “Tell me, what’s wrong?”  
He stares, his breath is uneven and by the way he’s shaking you’d think he was freezing. He takes a couple breaths and answers, his words muddled by sobs and hiccups, “A-Atta-ack,” He got attacke-  
WAIT.  
It finally clicks. Panic attack. Oh lord, “What’s your name?” you ask him, not because you want to know, but because he needs to get his breathing back to normal. He doesn’t answer you, “Name, do you have a name,” you ask again. He stares up at you and you stare back at him.  
All of a sudden his arms are around are around your waist tight enough to hurt. His face is buried in your chest and he’s crying a bit louder now, but it’s all muffled by your sweatshirt. You wrap your arms around his and pet his hair gently, “Shhhh… It’ll all be okay. Nothing’s wrong, everything’s fine. Nothing can hurt you, no one’s mad…” you say all the things you can for any possible reason he’d have a panic attack.  
He sobs something along the lines of ”I’m going to fail.” Ohh poor kid. Didn’t study for the test, huh? Or… Is it something else? You kiss his hair, “No, you’re not. You’re going to do just fine,” you start to rock him gently in your arms, he’s seemed to calm down a little bit. You decide to prod at his name again, “What’s your name, I need to find your teacher,” He lifts up his head to look at you, his cheeks are stained with tears. Some are still falling, and your hand goes up to wipe them away, “I’m not gonna hurt you, just tell me okay?”  
“Karkat S-sl,” He doesn’t make it through his last name before he starts coughing. You pat his back and for a moment you think about how much of a parental figure you are. Your chest hurts at the thought, you haven’t had parents for a very long time, they died when you were four years old.  
Karkat Sl- looks very tired now, “Do you think you can walk to the office, Karkat?” he shakes his head and leans onto your shoulder, “I just want to stay here,” he says sleepily. You check your phone, 3 minutes left of school.  
You can do it.  
You throw his backpack over your shoulder and pick him up bridal style, his head resting on your chest. “There are three minutes left of school,” you say more to yourself than to him and you start walking, “If I can get you to the office and back to class before the bell rings I wont be marked truant. I can do this.” You pick up your pace and head to the office with a princess in your arms.  
Prince.  
Not princess.  
~  
God, you are Karkat and you are tired. Not so tired you couldn’t walk to the office, but you’re really afraid your parents will get mad at you for leaving class over a test. You thought maybe you could just stay in that bathroom forever, but your knight in shining armor started to carry you. Might as well take this opportunity to fall asleep, you wont have to face your dad or mom.  
Oh wait, Manners. Manners Karkat. You look up to the boy and suddenly you remember him, the boy who was outside of the school!  
Now you get it. “What’s your name?” you ask him. He looks down at you for a second, then says, “Kankri Vantas.” You smile, odd name, “Thank you for helping me, Kankri Vantas.”  
He beams, and nods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still more chapters to come.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend helped me write a lot of this <3 Her tumblr: thatonehomestuckchick15.tumblr.com
> 
>  
> 
> heh yeah

This dark haired, slightly freckled, skinny boy will be the death of you. Every time you look at him you just want to hug him and kiss his nose. Ugh he's so cute, like a teddy bear, even if that angry look is plastered on his face and has dark circles under his eyes.  
After Karkat is placed safely in the sickroom's bed, kissed on the forehead, and told goodbye, you go back to class with a note from the front office in hand. You read the note on the way back to class--

Please excuse Kankri Vantas, he was of great help and will not be marked truant.  
If you have any issues with anything please contact the front office.  
-Principal Scratch.

You walk back into the classroom with about 30 seconds left of school, “I was beginning to think I needed to send help, Kankri,” The teacher says. People giggle. You hand her the note in response, she reads it and dismisses you to your seat.  
Meulin is sitting next to you, “What took you so long to get back?” she asks. You turn to her, “I found a little boy having a panic attack, and of course I couldn't just leave him there,” she gives you a questioning look just as the bell rings.  
~  
On your way out of the school you go to see if Karkat's parents have come to get him yet. They have not. He is still sleeping on the sickroom's bed when you get into the office. The secretaries hesitantly let you in to go check on him, he looks pale.  
Poor kid.  
You've been sitting on the edge of his bed for about 5 minutes when the door to the sickroom opens and two people come in. First enters a very tall, rough looking man. He's very well dressed... He looks like a part of the mafia or something. Shudder.  
After him enters a short woman. Her shape is the same as your mothers was, the basic motherly figure. Your chest hurts again. She's pale with bright blue eyes and she smiles at you.  
The father looks at you and you stand up, “Excuse me,” you say to the floor and you try to go to the door, but a hand grabs your wrist. You turn and the mother is smiling at you, “You were the one who found him, right,” she asks. You nod, “Yes, he was in the boy's bathroom.” she kisses your cheek and you ache for her to hold you. “Thank you,” she says.  
You leave before you do something stupid and screw everything up.  
~  
When you reach home, Porrim is on the couch. She looks beautiful as always, her hair is newly dyed and and she has a gauze pad over her right shoulder. A new tattoo, you're not too eager to see what it is.  
You drop your bags and go sit next to her on the couch. She has been the motherly figure to you for a very long time and a very good friend, “How was school, kid?” she asks you. You don't feel like answering, really. “It was okay. I helped a boy with anxiety and got out of the last half hour of school,” you think for a minute, “I waited with him until his parents got there. His dad looked like some mafia worker. But his mom reminded me of mine.” She gives you a tight shoulder hug, she knows you miss them.  
You pick up a book and start to read. You tend to do that to forget.  
~  
You are now Karkat. You wake face-down on your bed, Jesus you feel like you weigh millions of pounds right now.  
You sit up an get off your bed. Hunger isn't going to solve itself, so you walk down to the kitchen and start rooting through the fridge. You end up settling on a bag of cherries.  
Your father wanders into the kitchen some time later, he sees you and smiles, “I'm glad to see you're up and about,” he says. You spit out the pit that's in your mouth, “You know, I'm not totally helpless after an attack. I can still do things normally.” you're in a pissy mood.  
He nods, “I know.. I just,” he sighs, “I worry about you, still.” Looking up at him, you can see the kind man he truly is, “I'm seventeen, I can handle myself.”  
But you don't know if that's true.  
Alone, you don't think you will make it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow i write really short chapters.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here

You are KANKRI VANTAS and you are very late for school. You rush out the door and into your Audi TT. How did you afford this thing?  
Sigh.  
You start to drive when you see one Karkat Sl- (you still don't know his last name) running down the sidewalk in the direction of the school. Wow, you feel like... like some boy in a different universe is controlling your life right now.  
You shake off the feeling and pull over next to him. He looks through the windows at you and you unlock the car, as if to invite him in. He obliges and hops in the car, looking all around it in wonderment.  
“Thank you, Kankri,” he says, panting a little. “It's not problem, really Karkat,” you always like to use people's names, though you have no idea why.  
~  
You both walk together into the school together and get a slip from the office. He looks nervous and is tearing off little pieces of paper from the edge of his blue note, “Do you,” you hesitate, “do you want me to walk you to class?”  
This feels so awkward, and if he says no it will be 80% more awkward, but luckily for you he says yes, “I'd love it if you did.” both of you smile at each other. Karkat leads you to his class but he stops before he opens the door, “Thanks,” he says again and wraps his arms around your neck. Your arms wrap around his waist and a warm feeling engulfs you.  
It can't be wrong to love him, can it? God, this is confusing.  
He pulls away and walks into his class. The rest of the day will probably seem uneventful compared to that, you think.  
~  
You are Karkat and you have just hugged someone who one day ago you would have considered a total stranger, and it was fantastic. He was warm and soft, he left a smile on your lips as you walked into class and handed your teacher the note you had been tearing apart. She looks at it and dismisses you to your seat. You sit by a girl named Kanaya, you like sitting by her because she's not an insufferable prick. Like Dave Strider. Ugh.  
She nudges you and hands you a note written in green.  
Did I Just See You Hug Someone, Or Was My Mind Playing Tricks On Me?;)  
You write back  
OH SHIT. DID ANYONE ELSE SOO DO YOU THINK?  
No, I Don't Think Anyone Was Paying Attention. I Was Reaching For Something In My Bag And Happened To See.  
WELL YES I DID HUG HIM.  
Eyebrow Waggle.  
NO. NOT LIKE THAT!  
Oh, Then What Was It Like?  
LIKE A FRIEND. JESUS. BESIDES, I'M NOT GAY.  
You Can't Hide What's Inside, Karkat.  
FUCK YOU.  
You crumple the note up after that. That does not, nor will it be continued. You shove it in your pocket and stare intently at the whiteboard. It has purple, red, and yellow markings on it.  
You've always hated the color red for some reason, you shudder at the hideous color and try to focus on what your teacher is saying. Something about Mythos. You zone out.  
~  
Porrim is at school today and you sit with her at a table on the lunch break. “Porrim, you'll never guess what I did this morning!” she looks up at you, smirking, “Slept in?”  
“No, after that! You know that boy I told you about? The one in the bathroom. Well, he was late for school today too and I gave him a ride to school and I walked him to class and,” you smile and bounce a little in your seat, “and he hugged me. Just out of nowhere, he just did!” You're bouncing still, “Porrim, I think he actually likes me, not like that, but, in a friendly way.”  
~  
You're now PORRIM and you are LISTENING TO KANKRI RAMBLE about a boy that he walked to class today.  
He's so gay. God he insists that he likes women, you don't doubt that he does, but he so obviously likes boys. Maybe Bisexual? He's never shown any interest in you, though. Ouch. He liked a girl named Latula, but that faded away, you guess. Maybe he likes boys a little more than girls?  
Sigh. You hope he get's this little boy he's talking about, though. He doesn't have many frie- Oh he's done talking and now bouncing softly in his seat. He's beaming, “Good job, hun. I'm proud of you. Hey, is he cute?” you even offer an eyebrow waggle. He makes a face, “Porrim,” his voice is quiet now, “how many times do I have to tell you I don't like boys like that.” He's blushing. You giggle and kick him under the table.  
He's such a dork sometimes.  
~  
You are Karkat and you are kind of let down when you don't see Kankri sitting where he was last time, on that bench. Frown. You still wont let it wear at your mood. You find Gamzee and sit by him, he offers you an inhale on his whatever it is.  
You're just about to snuggle up to him and tell him about today when Eridan and Vriska find you two, “Ooooooooh look, it's druggy and panic-y. How's you're day been? Full of kissing each other I bet,” Vriska says. Wow that was lame. Gamzee laughs a little, “Me and Karbro ain't goin' out Vrissy.” His nickname for her reminds you of Vriska and Pissy put together. Perfect.  
“God damn, go bother someone else. There are plenty of other boys who are FRIENDS you could go tease.” you say. Eridan's priss laugh is heard, “Yeah, but they're just friends. You two are much more than that aren't you?” You pick a woodchip and throw it at his face. It bounces off of his glasses and he sneers. “W-whatever,” there's the stutter you know and love. “I'm not fucking gay you piece of SHIT now leave us alone,” you stand up. Okay yeah this has wore on your mood.  
Vriska just smirks, “Oh, what are you gonna do about it, short stuff?” Gamzee stands up behind you. He towers over all three of you, “He ain't doing anything,” what? Why not, “He's just a little to weak. I, however, am not,” Oh shiiit. He bares his teeth and growls.  
He starts to move toward the two.  
“No, Gamzee, calm down,” You say. “Yeah, we were just playin'” Eridan says. Vriska's eyes widen and she scoots back a little. Gamzee shoves her to the side so hard he falls down and her glasses fall off. He grabs Eridan and shoves him hard against the portable he loses his breath. Oh no oh no oh no oh no. “Gam, stop it. Now.” you say. He starts slamming Eridan against the portable over and over, he's holding him by his neck.  
You have to do something. You grab his wrist, “Gamzee, st-” Gamzee backhands you, one of his fingernail catches your skin and cuts your cheek. You fall back to the ground, oh god he's going to kill you isn't he? His face turns from angry to Oh-crap-I -just-hurt-my-best-friend.  
You scoot back, this has happened too many times before. One of these days he's going to kill you. You stand up, “It's okay, I'm okay... Let them go, okay?” he released Eridan's neck. Eridan grabs Vriska and they both run. Eridan looks bad. You wonder what's going to happen.  
Gamzee reaches out to you, you flinch. He looks like he just dies inside, regret fills you and you reach out and grab his hand and put it onto the cut cheek. It stings still and it's wet with blood. “I'm okay, see? It's going to be okay.” There's no doubt officials are going to be out here soon, “Give me whatever drugs you have, okay? I'll keep them safe for you, I promise. Some people are going to be out here soon and they might take them away.” Take you away, you add in your mind.  
He complies and empties his pockets. That is a lot of cigarettes and packets of things you don't know what they are. You stuff them in your backpack and zip it up. You swing your backpack onto your back and look up at him. His hand touches your cheek again, you put your hand over his.  
The principal is there all of a sudden and ordering Gamzee to his office. You hide the cut on your cheek so you don't have to come too. As soon as Gamzee and the principal are out of sight you start to cry, your best friend hurt you. He hurt you because you couldn't stop him.  
You curl up against the unused portables wall, this isn't an attack. You just need to cry away frustration.  
God you're so ANGRY at yourself. You can't stay here, Eridan and Vrissy the pissy will be back any time now. You stand up and run toward the lunchroom, maybe you can find Kanaya or someone else. You need someone to hug right now.

**Author's Note:**

> More chapters to come.


End file.
